Dating: Distinguishing Good People from Bad
All people are on a continuum from good to bad—each person lies on either the good side or the bad side.
Yes, we all have the ability to be either—we all have the potential to be good and we all have the potential to be bad. What we are concerned with here is where people actually are—on the bad side or the good side. Because they do lie on one side or the other.
It is true that nobody’s perfect and people act different ways, but you can rely on if a person does any of the following “bad person” behaviors that they lie on the bad side. You should not continue seeing them! Some of the things in the list might seem like small or insignificant things, but they show a lot about a person. Take these cues for what they mean. If you continue seeing someone who exhibits any of the following behaviors, expect worse things to come and the worse things often happen quickly. And don’t get tricked by the person’s good behaviors—bad people do a lot of good behaviors too. Whereas good people don’t do the bad behaviors!
I highly recommend ceasing dating someone that does any of these things. Remember, it’s not that someone needs to show all of these, even just one or two is enough to show you their true colors inside! If you don’t stop seeing them, days, weeks, months or years later, when the relationship ends because the person is an asshole, you’ll be kicking yourself way more!
- Look at others of the opposite sex while on a date with you. 👀
- Bring up things about the looks of people of the opposite sex while with you—like talking about his tiny 90lb sister; saying that his sister is really beautiful while he shows you a picture of her; or showing you the instagram pages of a “gorgeous” couple he ran into while zooming in on the woman and raving about how beautiful.
- Make negative remarks sometimes about others like something about a person being large physically (overweight).
- Talk behind people’s backs negatively about them.
- Say negative things about people of the same sex they are clearly threatened by, even such as people on TV. Like a guy saying rude comments about a man who is good-looking or successful.
- Reference an ex or exes in general as “crazy” or some other derogatory phrase.
- Won’t talk about certain time periods in their life or history with exes, like at all. 😶 People unwilling to disclose information to you is a really bad sign. If they seem to be unwilling to talk about something keep pushing it, if they still won’t open up that’s bad!
- Have “no filter” so they sometimes say things that are insensitive and hurt your feelings.
- Have delight at the pain/suffering/unhappiness of others. This might be only with something small like walking the “wrong way” around Costco to bother other people. Anyone taking joy out of inconveniencing/hurting others in even small ways is a really bad sign. All bad people have some form of taking pleasure in hurting others sometimes—the most extreme examples being those who rape or murder. (Whereas good people never take joy in hurting anyone ever.)
- Don’t tip or tip very little (like 10% or less).
- Don’t show up to dates/appointments on time more often than really rarely.
- Don’t have any real hobbies.
- Routinely leave dishes in sink instead of cleaning them / putting them in dishwasher.
- Have cheated on someone before.
- When you listen to them talk about the state of affairs in their life or outside their life they seem to have negative perspectives. Everything can be seen from any number of ways and they seem to see things from a bad/negative point of view.
- Say things sometimes that bring you down and discourage you (as opposed to uplifting and encouraging you).
- Are distancing toward you, like for an extended period of time saying they “take things slow” or it “takes them a while to warm up to someone,” or other distancing measures like bringing a dog or friend with them on their date with you, or not showing you where they live.
- Don’t express interest and love toward you much just generally, like nice little touching here and there, or giving you some compliments or other nice words.
- Universally, “bad” people want to push others down so that they can feel better about themselves. This may show in little put-down comments about others or about you, viewpoints that are racist or sexist, physically harming others, and more. Anything they can do to bring others down and hurt others, so that the bad person can feel better or more powerful than others.
- There are times where they don’t assume the best in another, expressing distress and frustration about someone they interacted with. Yes, we all get frustrated with others once in a while, but if you’re dating someone and they’re getting like this about someone early in your relationship that’s a very bad sign. A good person can control the unhappiness and rage, looking at the bright side and at very least not showing you those feelings early in dating you. 😡
- To get what they want, whether that’s a parking spot, sex, money, etc., they “take it” even if that means inconveniencing another, hurting another, lying or cheating, etc.
- Instead of having a generally trusting attitude toward others, they tend to think others have bad intentions so they don’t trust people much. This will show in things anywhere from something like getting upset in an interaction with someone else in public, to wanting a prenup in marriage.
- Mention things to you subtly that subconsciously warn you to be scared of them. Like saying that they work with a high-powered lawyer, or that they’ve won every lawsuit case they’ve been involved in, or that they could kill someone and not get caught if they really wanted to.
- Tell you about something they’ve done to another person that is not normal and is mean. I once had a boyfriend a few months into our relationship kinda brag that a certain neighbor who he had warned about their dog pooping on his lawn kept doing it, so one day he picked up the poop and put it in that neighbor’s mailbox. People who do messed up things to others like that don’t see them as being as awful as normal people do, so they usually will tell you. So listen, and expect to be treated the exact same way.
- Try to get the behavior they want from others, try to control others, by means like intimidation, ridiculing them, passive aggressively, physical abuse, or other unhealthy means. They don’t have a clue that healthy behavior means treating others with respect and when they want something to bring it up in direct, helpful communication. And often these people will almost brag that they do the unhealthy behaviors, so listen to what they say!
Learn to see the difference between people on the good side of the spectrum and people on the bad side. Good people at their core are concerned about others and they like to make other people happy. They actively try to make others happy. The bad people are more concerned about themselves, making themselves look good, etc. All that bad people care about is that they themselves are the happiest one around, so they will systematically bring others down around them. Do yourself a favor and don’t involve yourself with the bad folks!