How to Tell If a Guy Is Using You
There are many guys out there who are users/players!
Don’t kid yourself, not everyone has the intentions of finding someone nice and settling down with them. In fact, a lot of men have the opposite intention of dating as many women as possible (a different one each night would be great for them), and having sex with as many women as possible (even better if sleeping with more than one woman at a time).
Many women, on the other hand, want one good guy and to settle down, get married, and have kids. As women, we project this onto men, thinking they usually want the same thing. But, there are many men who don’t want this same thing, or they don’t want it right now. Men who are users still have redeeming, nice qualities about them so women often just look at the nice qualities and assume they are nice men. Don’t assume this because you see some nice things!
There are signs to look for that show a player for who he really is. This is a good thing because it means we can actually decipher the players from the good men out there. Learn to see the signs! A player doesn’t necessarily do all the following signs, but there are usually at least a few of them!
Signs of a player
- He texts you things like “I miss your face.”
- He is very forward in sexual contact and/or innuendos, and this usually starts happening early in dating.
- He doesn’t remember things he’s told you, such as stories about himself.
- He doesn’t ask you much about you. (Because it’s not important to get to know you!)
- His focus in conversation is about how great he is / selling himself. Talking about his expensive cars or work success or future inheritance from wealthy relatives—things a guy might think attract women for sex. As opposed to talking about you or the two of you.
- He is not open to talking about himself or certain topics about himself. He says something like it takes a long time to open up, or he works to change the subject.
- He invites you on low- or no-cost dates, such as meeting at a bar for a drink, or meeting a park. (Players want to spend as little money as possible on each date, because they go on many dates with many women!)
- He is eager to get alcohol for you.
- He does not organize nice, planned-out dates that have actual substance of food and activity.
- He doesn’t make an effort to pick you up for dates.
- He doesn’t bring up getting food when you’re together, or if you do end up eating he may try to do something like split a dish. He may say something like he’s not hungry.
- He calls getting together with you “meeting up.”
- After a date or two, he is saying you should come to his house for the next date. He will have a reason for something you can do there or he says he will make dinner for you. (The whole goal is spending little or no money on you, while having you over for sex!)
- He wants you to meet him for a date, even after a couple or few dates together, instead of picking you up. Or he asks you to come to where he is for your date—his house, his work area, etc.
- He doesn’t have a calm, intimate presence with you on your date, where you feel like you are authentically looking into each other’s eyes. He doesn’t seem fully present, honest, authentic—he might look away a lot or be fidgety.
- He does not respond promptly to texts and/or calls, sometimes or often. (Because he does not go out of his way to be attentive to you, and/or he wants it to be normal for him not to respond sometimes so that way he can be out with other women!)
- He drives a BMW (sorry! I have seen the correlation too many times).
- He pays with cash or vouchers of some sort like gift certificates. This can definitely be a clue to him cheating on someone else with you and not wanting to leave a credit card trail!
- He asks you to get together at a late time of day like 10 pm or something.
- He tends to want to hang out with you for short periods like an hour or two at a time. (This shows non-commitment, low effort, you not being a priority to him, and even potentially him being already with someone else!)