Should You Lose Weight to Attract a Mate?

Should You Lose Weight to Attract a Mate?

The short answer: sometimes yes, sometimes no.

The Case for No:

There are many men (and women, but more men) out there today with too-high standards for a partner when it comes to looks. Do you want a guy who needs you to be a supermodel’s weight? That is, a body mass index of someone naturally tall who barely eats, is possibly drug addicted to stay thin and whose career it is to stay thin? I’m pretty sure most of the women out there would say, “No, I do not want a guy who requires that of me.”

Let’s say you are on the average/slim side of the spectrum but you would prefer to be like 10 lbs. thinner ideally. And maybe you also think that losing that bit of weight would attract more men to you. I would argue, though, that in this case do not lose the weight before or during dating. This is because it actually keeps away those certain men who would only want you if you were model-thin. It is a good thing to keep them away! Men who have unrealistic fantasies of women needing to be a certain weight have issues such as narcissism and other highly unhealthy mental disorders. Being the weight you are currently will actually help you meet the guy who is looking for someone at a healthy weight, which is a signal that he himself is healthy mentally.

So stop thinking you need to be superthin like a model to get a guy. Model-thin women actually can tend to attract more problematic men because the men are more likely to be highly superficial and are just trying to get what they think is impressive arm candy. These men are trying to impress society in order to feel better about themselves, it’s not that they really even like the person inside that model-thin body. You don’t want a guy who wants you for your thin weight so it’s actually really neat that you can be a little more lax on yourself and just be a normal weight.

Another aspect of this to consider is if you believe you’re only lovable at a certain unrealistic low weight? If that’s your belief, you will tend to attract men who hold that belief too (like attracts like). Work on loving yourself at any and all ways you could be, read this article to help you on that journey.

The Case for Yes:

There are times when losing a bit of weight would actually help you meet a good, healthy guy. For example, if you are at a weight that is above average, above a normal BMI, that could definitely be hurting your chances of attracting and keeping a great guy. This is because healthy, good people want a partner who is healthy physically. A weight over a normal BMI signals someone who is not healthy physically. So even if a guy is attracted to you for who you are on the inside, your weight can be a reason for him not wanting to pursue the relationship. Don’t be mad about this, this is an incredibly natural response that really men and women both have when considering partners. As a woman yourself, you may have even not dated a man largely because of his weight. Another thing to know about being heavy is that, it is sad to say, certain men may even target women of a high weight for certain things like sex or money with the intention of just using the women for the thing they want. It is very sad but those men look at an overweight woman as a vulnerable target since they consider her likely to be starved for attention and easy to manipulate.

The caveat: If you truly like being at a higher weight and want to stay that way, then the more power to you and you should of course live that truth for you! The previous paragraph applies to those overweight women who in their heart would prefer to be a normal weight.


Out of everything considered, I lean towards being your weight and not losing weight is the best choice. This is for a multitude of reasons.

One of the biggest reasons you DO NOT need to be model-thin to get a great guy is the fact that when you have a body that society deems “perfect” you attract any-old-anybody to you. So it really works against you when you have the “perfect” body. Even gay guys and guys who are the worst men on earth who are the biggest users will sometimes want to be with someone who has the society-deemed “perfect” looks.

A guy who would love you and think you’re the most wonderful, beautiful girl whether you’re plus or minus 20 or 50 pounds, is the guy you want, right? Well, when you’re not model-thin, you’re actually more likely to get that guy because those other superficial dumb a$$es aren’t interested. You won’t have them wasting your time and confusing you as to who truly likes you for you.

There is actually a principle in astrology—which explains why people are attracted to different people than other people. A man’s Venus sign represents the element of the women he likes the looks of physically, and a woman’s Mars sign represents the element of men she likes. For instance, if a man’s Venus sign is Cancer then he is most innately physically attracted to Water element women—Cancers, Pisces, Scorpios.

So, if you look like a model it could definitely be that a guy who doesn’t innately think you are beautiful, likes you at your thin weight but wouldn’t like you 20 pounds heavier. On the other hand, if you’re 40 pounds “overweight” and a guy who’s Venus sign is your element could be totally into you and think you are the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.

I believe the whole weight thing is actually a blessing in disguise. To all the women out there who obsess over it: just look at the upside to what not looking anorexic can get you!

Love, Janelle

Janelle Moon supports our readers with carefully chosen product recommendations, some of which may earn us a commission including those from our Amazon Associates program.

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