Be Prepared to Leave a Date At Any Time
One of the secrets of dating well is knowing when and how to exit the scene gracefully.
In dating, you will likely encounter so many times men being idiots it’s not even funny. There also are times during dates when something is revealed about a guy that you just don’t like, so you should leave. Almost all women have to go on dates with quite a few frogs before meeting their prince. Knowing how to handle the situation and leaving with respect is all-important.
Sorry, but especially if you are online dating you are going to encounter some real jerk behavior! You must be prepared for this. Know in advance it is likely coming so you’re not caught off guard and shocked in the moment. The bad behavior from a guy can come in a huge multitude of ways. Maybe he makes fun of the way you laughed, mimicking your movement. Maybe on your date he says he’s hungry and is going to get something to eat at the food stand you’re walking by—but what about you? Maybe he says a comment about a situation with women at work that you can see is sexist thinking. Maybe he brings up the women he saw at the Kanye West concert he went to with their “nude-colored skin-tight bodysuits and all he could see was their long, beautiful hair.” Maybe he drank too much at dinner and thinks he’s driving home.
Different women are different and what bothers us varies. What matters is if something bothers you. That’s how you know it’s time to leave. If you get an uncomfortable feeling inside, or you think “what a jerk,” or “what’s wrong with this guy?” etc., then you should leave immediately. Almost never will they be instances that are huge, they are small things that will show a lot about him, his feelings about you, and your instincts about him. You must learn to follow your instincts.
Have a game plan ahead of time about how to leave if something happens on a date. In the first month or two of dating him, don’t leave anything in his car or house because you need to be ready to leave at any moment and call an Uber if needed. The bad behaviors show up in the beginning (thank goodness!) so within the first several dates almost for sure you would have seen them by that time.
What you should do when the situation arises and you should leave is say, “I have to go actually.” Say it right away. Just simply, unemotionally. Not with attitude, not trying to prove anything. NO EXPLANATIONS. Explaining anything is futile, DO NOT DO IT. Out of self-love and self-respect, get out of there and continue with your beautiful life without that idiot. Even just going home and getting in your jammies is so much better for you than staying any longer. You hurt yourself by staying any second longer than you should.
So what that you invested a bit of time getting to know him setting up your date, getting dressed and meeting him. So what. Get out of there now and you’re fine. Stay longer and that’s when you’re not fine because it demeans you.
The great, amazing thing is that you actually empower yourself when you leave at the appropriate time! It is incredibly empowering to walk out of there with your head held high knowing what you want and not letting people treat you how you don’t want them to. Try it!
My personal game plan I came up with was that I would say I needed to go to the bathroom if something happened like this. Because I’m usually not one to instantly snap into a reaction. But I am aware when I feel the bad feeling. So if I didn’t say I’m leaving instantly, I would say I need to go to the bathroom. Then I would breathe for a second in the bathroom. Then I would either come out of the bathroom and tell him I’m leaving. Or, I would just leave from the bathroom and text him that I actually have to go.
When you’re telling him you have to go, if you like you can kinda act like you’re remembering there’s something you need to do or somewhere you need to be. Like look at your phone and say, “I have to go actually.” Say it casual, happy, but with a little urgency. And don’t elaborate on anything.
The big goal of the game plan is to leave with respect for yourself but also for him. The only thing you would look back and regret is if you don’t do either or both of these things. Even if something he said or did was pretty bad and could deserve a telling-off, don’t do it. Have understanding for the fact that he is at where he is at. Be thankful that the world sent you the message to get away from him. Maintain respect for him, but most importantly maintain respect for yourself.
Again, respect for yourself means:
- Immediately going.
- Not explaining anything.
- Being matter-of-fact.
- Having no contact with him again. He will get the message from you leaving your date. But if he seriously contacts you asking you what he did, that is the only way you should have ANY contact with him ever again to tell him matter-of-factly what you didn’t like. Then get off the phone and delete his number.
It’s actually fun when you learn how to leave! It’s part of the game, so have fun with it. Of course, we’d all love for the first guy we start dating to be the best guy on earth and our soul mate, but that doesn’t happen for 99% of us. So get used to the reality that you must learn how to handle leaving a date. It’s actually fun to get the hell outta there and come home to chocolate or wine and laugh about the fact you had to leave. What is NOT fun is degrading yourself by staying and then down the line being more and more hurt by the same jerk, all the while having your time and energy taken away from good things and potentially good men that could have been in your life.
So just accept it as the reality that it is in dating. When a guy is a jerk, get out of there. And by the way, if you want to give him a lesson, nothing could possibly do it more than a wonderful woman out of self-respect having to leave his presence gracefully in the middle of a date with him. No telling him off, slapping him, explaining to him—nothing could give him the lesson more. But really you’re doing it out of love for yourself!