The One Quality That Predicts Someone Is a Narcissist More Than Anything Else
Knowing how to recognize and avoid extreme narcissists is absolutely critical in the dating world.
Especially for women, since the rates of narcissism are four times higher in men than in women! And I would say single people 30 or older, as well as those participating in online dating, have higher than normal rates. This has been my experience and it just makes sense rationally as well.
Think about it, men who have not settled down by 30 would tend to have naturally higher rates (and since women are usually the ones to do the breaking up, likely many women have broken up with the man for a reason!). Online dating attracts narcissists because they get to interact with larger numbers of the opposite sex, sell themselves, pick and choose, play the field if they choose, etc.
How to recognize a narcissist when dating
It is more important than ever to be able to recognize someone who has unhealthy levels of narcissism! We all have some narcissism just to survive in the world as individuals, but some people have a dysfunctional, unhealthy amount. People who are narcissistic actually have low self-esteem and self-love. They desperately try to make up for this deep lack within themselves.
The thing to be on high-alert for, more than anything else, when it comes to narcissism is if the person has an extraordinary amount of anything. Extraordinarily good looking, extraordinarily wealthy, extraordinarily charming. Any of these, or two or more of these, should be a big red flag!
The reason for this is two-fold. For one, a person who has become any of these things did it for a reason. Narcissists put a lot of extra work into being better looking, more wealthy, or more charming. They do this to get people to validate them. They are so lacking inside that if they don’t get this validation they are not okay. They are not okay being “average,” instead they have to be “perfect.” (And they expect you to be perfect too, BTW.)
Another reason is if they are extraordinary in some way that they didn’t really have control over, such as being born into wealth, that likely bread them to be narcissistic. Not always, but the chances are good and you should assume they are until proven otherwise. Do you think someone born into wealth would settle for things less than perfect? They are used to, and tend to think they are entitled to, the best, which is very narcissistic and tends to be very detached from a lot of true goodness.
And listen to psychologists talk about narcissism and charm. They actually say things like someone who has a lot of charm puts them on high-alert instantly. People who have learned to be very charming do it for a reason. They do it to get things from people—whether that’s getting someone’s attention, sex, money, etc.
In my dating past, I actually dated three incredibly narcissistic men that each ended up hurting me badly. And funny enough, one was very good-looking, one was very wealthy, and one was very charming. (It is kinda funny now, that I first-hand experienced each of these types.)
I have noticed another clue to narcissistic men is weirdness around selfies and social media. The great looking guy and the charming guy I dated both were very into taking selfies of just themselves in the photo (one would even do it while on a date with me!). The very wealthy guy I found out had risqué selfies posted by “old friends” women in his IG feed constantly (which he still had after two years of seriously dating me). So, issues around selfies abound with these men. It’s one of the warning signs!
Be on alert! If someone is very good-looking, very wealthy, and/or very charming, it does not mean 100% for sure that they will be dysfunctionally narcissistic but it is almost certain. So assume they are.